he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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