if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
well you can't waste a boner
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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