Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
