I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
