I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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