some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
