Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So many bounce houses so little time
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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