dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
