Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
