Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
