Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
