Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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