Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
