is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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