I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just want nice things and good sex
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
