you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
