Need sex. Gaining weight.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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