I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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