I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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