My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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