im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do herpes really smell.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize