whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
