I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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