dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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