By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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