somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
