so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
