dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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