I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You need Xanax blowdarts
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
