so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
