i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
