where's my purse there's an important taco in it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
