Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
