Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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