I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
