i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
