Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
