youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
