Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
