i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
