Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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