Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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