wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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