mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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