Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
