I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
