Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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