Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
