I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
