I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
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I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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