You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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