sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
