Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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