I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
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I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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