You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He better not be in your backpack
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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