Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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