i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
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looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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