He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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