Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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