He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
sex in a hospital.. check
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize