so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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