so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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