covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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