I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
