Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
