My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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