we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
