Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
