No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
