WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
