He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
