If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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