all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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