felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I use my feet as sexual weapons
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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