I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
