Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize