So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
