I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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