He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
