quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
