I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
