I'm lost and stupid without you.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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