Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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