I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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