fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
