This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
