So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
