I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
